my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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