Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
