I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
