It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
