Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
