stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
