I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
