this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
