Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
