as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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