So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
