how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
