I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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