meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
