everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
