I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
