I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
