i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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