Jerry, you need to find god
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
