Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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