Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
