ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.

  Fav 8 1736 748

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

  Fav 11 2682 939

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just another sign I need to get out of this town

  Fav 25 3173 1100

  share tweet
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

  Fav 18 6708 1389

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.

  Fav 4 1967 685

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?

  Fav 4 1023 902

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar

  Fav 3 438 765

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with

  Fav 0 574 665

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.

  Fav 2 468 838

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???

  (818): View more from California

  As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.

  Fav 9 1261 611

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  It's like we're not even friends

  Fav 5 1541 643

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (707): View more from California

  We are horrible

  (1-707): View more from California

  Yeah but we're also awesome

  Fav 3 114 8

  share tweet
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in

  Fav 5 64 79

  share tweet
  

• (212): View more from New York

  Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys

  Fav 0 86 10

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.

  Fav 0 44 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize