At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
