I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
