woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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