She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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