Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
