I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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