just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
