u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
