The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
