my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
