is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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