So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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