I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
