I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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