Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
