Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
