Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
