Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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