I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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