Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have post one night stand depression
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
