he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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