just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
