Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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