i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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