remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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