so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
