C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
