we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
