I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
