so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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