I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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