I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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