I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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