not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
