So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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