she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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