Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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