I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize