Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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