Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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