If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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