ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
