Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
