Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
