ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
