My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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