Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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